A death in the family

Over the past few weeks my grandfather noticed that their dog (well it’s actually ours) was gaining a bit of weight and after catching her “fornicating” with the dog next door a while a go he came to the conclusion that she may very be pregnant.

The day after I was told about all this, Janeway (yes my mother named her) had her puppies. Initially it was thought that she had 8 puppies, 5 of which tragically died in their first few hours but like in a general election there were plenty of recounts. At one point my grandmother counted 24 puppies but as more and more puppies stopped moving it became a lot easier to count them!

Why did they stop moving? Well Janeway must have had a vendetta against her newborns and took a liking to attracting the thirsty pups over to her milk inflated bosoms before rolling over and smothering them! All atempts to reach the bewildered pups were futile - my grandad has the teeth marks to prove it!

At this point there weren’t many pups left and they were beginning to catch on to her rolling over trick. I must admit that it was an ingenious killing method although obviously very cruel! Now that the pups were weary of their homicidal maniac of a mother they tried to avoid her. But Janeway found a new way to kill them by putting them into her mouth and running down to the end of the garden and hiding them in the bushes and brambles! Yet again my grandfather couldn’t reach them - he has the thorn marks and splinters to prove it!

As far as I know, Janeway killed all eleven of her pups which means we have a mass murderer in our family! I don’t know why she killed them and I don’t think I ever will (unless Dr. Doolittle intervenes). Maybe they were too weak? Maybe she thought she was shitting out the toys she ate over the years or maybe she was just bored! One things for sure though, we missed out on a chance to be minted. Stupid selfish dog!

tagsdeath, murderer, dog, puppies, pups, homicidal dogtags