Cocktails - Bad Idea!

Yesterday morning was one of those days where I vowed never to touch a drop of alcohol again. With bloodshot eyes and with what felt like a hammer pounding against my head, I somehow stumbled into the chaos and madness of work for a torturous 8 hour stint. It wasn’t meant to be like that though! I wasn’t meant to meander back to my house at 4am and cling to my covers for dear life, for fear of falling! Oh no, I had it planned all differently; a few drinks back at the house, followed by maybe one or two when I went out. I don’t roll that way.

I had tonnes of drink left from a small house party earlier in the week and found a website called WebTender, where you simply select what “ingredients” you have and it lists all the possible drinks you can make! Some experimentation was in order and the ensuing hours consisted of me knocking back all manner of magical concoctions! I felt fine when we (thought it was imperative to point out I wasn’t drinking alone!) left the house, well, certainly better than I would have felt had I been drinking cans!

Cocktails have a way of making you forget though. They make you forget just how many you’ve had to drink and they make it all to easy to forget that they’re absolutely laced with alcohol!! One of the nicest ones I “sampled” had double shots of Vodka and Southern Comfort and was topped off with milk! It tasted like those old Mily Ice Lollies that were around years a go. So when I arrived at the forum, I was under the illusion that I didn’t have much to drink! So in what originally started as a way to save some money and try new drinks, quickly turned into a one-tonne night!

Pizza and Vomit. The only two things I remember after the forum closed. I remember the pizza because there was evidence of the meal deal I had bought beside my bed when I woke up… and stood in it! I remember the vomit because I tried to login and blog. Trying to focus your vision on something when all it wants to do is make everything blurry and distorted isn’t a smart thing to do. Even in my dunken stupor, it only took two visits to my good friend, the toilet bowl, to realise that blogging wasn’t happening.

Yesterday morning was one of those days where I vowed never to touch a drop of alcohol again. I’ll see you out next week!

I need sleep!

It has been a hectic few days to say the least. I spent the entire weekend being arguably at the wrong side of the bar - that is to say I was behind it rather than in front of it shouting slurred orders! To say we were busy would be an understatement as we experienced a seemingly endless stream of customers coming into us, and I’m not talking about a nice comfortable trickling stream, I mean a “hold on for dear life” rapids kind of stream!

Despite complaining to everyone who would listen that I was stuck behind a bar all day, it wasn’t all that bad! While being stuck making lattes, cappuccinos and frapamachiattes (okay, I made that one up) for customers soon lost it’s charm, I was able to make enough money in tips to pay for my nights out in the Forum on Friday, Saturday and Sunday! I was working all three days of the festival and managed to go out as well… for free! I like free!

All this fun comes at a price though! Whenever I go out, I have a horrible habit of waking up at 10am the following morning. While it’s sometimes nice to savour the beautiful morning air, it’s pretty annoying when you had just stumbled into bed in a sorry state a mere 3 hours beforehand! Going into work on Sunday, I was already knackered. I was due to stay on until 2am, but decided against taking a break during the shift so I could leave half an hour early and go to the forum. A great idea you might be thinking, but I can assure you that any idea or plan that involves not taking a break during the busiest day of the year and going out and getting hammered is not recommended, especially when you’re due in at 9am the following day!

Despite getting to the forum at 1:45, I managed to drink myself silly thanks of course to the generosity of the Waterford public (oh how I love them!). Crawling into bed at 6am meant I didn’t have much time to sleep! In fact, I managed to get an hour of sleep before 1 of my 6 alarms I had set started going off! I somehow got into work on time to find that I was stocktaking for the morning which involved counting every single bottle of beer in the bar. Just what I needed at 9 in the morning with the eyes popping out of my head!

If 8 hours of counting bottles wasn’t bad enough, I then had to face another 7 hours dealing cards in Dungarvan. I can tell you that it took a lot of Red Bull just to be able to remain concious and it took every bit of mental strength I had left to be able to do my job! By time I got home at 6am, I collapsed into my bed and pretty much fell asleep straight away. I woke up one hour later to the sound of the postman at the door who wanted me to sign for some DVDs that I ordered online about two months a go! Now that I was awake I decided to watch Eyes Wide Shut, an appropriate film for the state I was in but I don’t think I understood what was going on as I was so tired. The only thing I remember is that there are a lot of boobs in it!

So here I am, laying on my bed complaining about needing sleep! You’d think I’d just put down the laptop and rest my eyes and drift into slumber land, but it’s not that easy as I’m so tired, it hurts to close my eyes! If I stay away much longer I’ll soon lose what little sanity I have left!

You’re Gay, Now Suck My Cock

In order to let the dust settle and allow myself to settle my nerves… and ensure I didn’t go to jail, I decided on delaying this post for a while, because there’d be nothing worse than sharing this story of jubilation only to find a Garda at my doorstep the following day…

First I think I’d better clarify what I mean by the title. You’ll be glad to know (or perhaps you aren’t) that I’m not calling you a fudge packer and I don’t want you to suck my cock but instead I’m alluding to a little altercation I found myself caught up in when I was out last week that involved myself, my friends and some random drunk who whipped his lad out in front of me in the middle of town at 4am! What happened next was a fusion of homophobia and double vodkas!

We first met Mr X on our way back into town from the Forum, the alternative nightclub in Waterford. We were a little bit later than usual because I insisted on us waiting behind for a girl I had met that night only to discover that she had actually left in a taxi to only God knows where about a half an hour before the place closed! I didn’t even get her first name which goes to show how good I am at pulling!!! Mr X made the assumption that because one of the guys I was with on the way back had long hair, that we were all gay. I’m not quite certain whether or not he was gay himself, but he did demand that we all suck his cock!

I managed to ignore him for the best part of twenty minutes as he followed us all the way shouting at us like the prick he was, in part I’d like to say that I have great self-control, but in actual fact it was because I was eating chicken and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let HillBilly’s finest chicken go to waste over some fucktard. Finding out that I had ate all my chicken in record time pissed me off enough, but then I look over and find this guy coming over, pulling down his pants!

Now I’m not sure if it’s because I was annoyed that I had ran out of chicken, or because I didn’t want some guy whipping his cock out in front of us but I dropped what little food I had left onto the ground, put my head down and speared him to the ground! That’ll teach that knob not to whip it out in public! Unfortunately for me, as I was doing it, I remember that I’m in the middle of town and look up to see a squad car speeding towards me, and around 7 Gardaí sprinting up to us! I attempt to flee - well, walk away - but I’m called back by one of them!

I look across and tardo is being bundled into a Paddy Wagon and driven off into the distance and I’m almost certain that I’ll suffer a similar fate! To my surprise, I’m merely quizzed for a few minutes about what happened before being told that I was lucky that they saw what was happening and was asked to give my name and number… not even an address! I’m given a warning and am send on my way. My friends can’t believe what just happened - I attack someone to the ground, in what would have looked like an unprovoked attack to anyone else and instead it’s the guy who found himself on the wrong end of a shoulder charge that’s taken away to the station! Of course I’m not complaining!

I got home only to find myself locked out so I had to resort to sleeping in the garden. I then woke up a few hours later with my head spinning and puked up an entire chicken fillet burger with a lovely garnish of bile and vodka! If that wasn’t bad enough, I woke up a few hours after that with rain pissing down on me! Karma works in strange ways though!

A Calling Station No More!

I actually only wish this post was poker related, but alas it’s not! Last night I went out to the forum in Waterford. It’s where I usually go out on a Saturday night because I’m part of the “alternative crowd” and places where they play trance and black people music make my eyes and ears bleed! It’s pretty much no holds barred and the dancing - if you could even call it that - consists of jumping up and down and into people! It’s crazy stuff, but I can think of no better way to spend my Saturday nights that doesn’t involve coke and hookers!

Anyway, while I was “dancing”, my almost brand new Atom Life phone slipped out of my pocket while I was in midair and came back down to earth with a crunch! For those of you who aren’t familiar with this phone, think of it as the perfect portable media player, the perfect texting tool and the perfect mobile internet surfer.. it’s a pretty decent phone too! The stylus (pull out tool for the touch screen) went flying across the dancefloor, but I didn’t give a crap about the worthless piece of metal and only cared for the €320 phone which upon closer inspection I found had its TFT screen turned into an illegible black and white mess! Sick!

I’ve sent off an email to the manufacturer saying that the screen slowly stopped working properly. Hopefully they’ll believe me, or feel sorry for me and will repair it free of charge. It’s well within warranty after all, but I suppose the warranty doesn’t cover me for it falling from about 6ft onto the ground! I’ll just have to wait and see!